What hurts more… honesty or kind lies?
For those of you who don’t know what a kind lie is… I will explain. It is when someone says something just because they are trying to be polite, but the trained ear can tell they do not really mean what they are saying. Hence, the someone thinks it is more kind to lie than to honestly reveal their true feelings on the matter. The question is… should a trained ear call someone on their kind lying and explain that it much less work on both of their parts to stop the pretending and just be honest? And what about all of those untrained ears that are oblivious to the fact that they are subjected to kind lies? Are they happier in their ignorance? Would honesty, in this case, cause them more harm than justice?
I can’t help but wonder… in a society where children grow up being taught that it is wrong to lie, what makes “kind lies” the exception?
3 Comments:
what, aside from politeness, is the reason for the kind lie? i'm assuming the context, here and as ever, is everything and is what makes or breaks the answer.
wait, politeness is not the same as kindness, obvsly. is the trained ear treating it as 'consideration' or as 'emotional laziness/indifference' on the part of the speaker?
and, and this is the heart of the matter, why do we put up with ANYTHING that hurts us?
wish i knew.
<3
k.
9:35 p.m.
I've learned that lots of times people don't want to hear the truth (even if they ask you) and they punish you for telling them what you think. Obviously this hurts. I'm learning these things (slowly) but it's hard because I also believe in never saying anything that you don't mean and I have trouble keeping my fool mouth shut when I have an opinion (also, I like arguing). I know sometimes it is really better and easier to just be quiet are say what people want you to say (I know I'm bad at that). But you know, if I'm wrong I would rather be proven wrong a hundred times than go along thinking I'm right when I'm not. I would hope that if people cared about me they would go to the trouble of helping me learn that I'm wrong even if I'm stubborn about it (and I am invariably stubborn when I think I'm right), and I try to extend the same courtesy to anyone I care about (like I say, I like arguing). More importantly though, I think if you care about someone you should try your best to tell them honestly what you think (though you should try do it in the nicest way possible). It's when you don't care about someone that you take the easy way out and spout platitudes until they go away.
-CP
p.s. Something else I've learned (sometimes the hard way) though is lots of times people just want you to hear them, understand them, and make them feel better and to do that you don't have to say anything, just listen (and maybe ask questions). And, like I said, sometimes it's just better to keep your fool mouth shut. That isn't lying, it's just being tactful. Sometimes it's hard to know when those times are though. Oh well, life is about learning and improving.
10:04 p.m.
Ignorance is bliss! I'm all about lying. but sometimes I see a bad pants/shirt combination + I wish I didn't vow to keep my mouth shut. I mean really, horizontal stripes rarely look good. And please people, cover your belly with your shirt!
-
5:11 p.m.
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